The Awesome Prussia's Adventures in Time Travel
by ilovemybrick
Summary: Prussia and the DeLorean time machine. Does anyone think this is a good combination?
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1: In which Prussia trolls the World Conference and gets pwned by Hungary. _

Germany was feeling cautiously optimistic. The World Meeting was going strangely well. Everyone arrived on time and with all their data. America had offered sensible, practical solutions to the latest world crisis, which was a miracle in itself and rather suggested that his boss had prepared America's presentation for him. Germany had arranged the seating in order to prevent arguments and so far it was working well. Germany made a note of this for future reference. Even England hadn't found anything to complain about. The way things were going, they might even finish early.

So all in all, Germany was feeling pretty good. That is, until the doors to the conference room were flung open and a regrettably familiar figure swept through.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the awesome has arrived!"

Germany slumped in his chair and cradled his head in his hands. He knew it was too good to be true.

Within ten minutes, Germany's carefully-planned meeting had gone to hell.

Germany could feel a vein in his forehead throbbing. This was not correct procedure for participating in an international conference. There were rules. Prussia was presumably well aware of that. If he was not (it had been a while since he had people of his own, after all), well, Germany was perfectly happy to lend him his manual, _A German's Guide to Conducting World Meetings (_from the bestselling series_ A German's Guide to Modern Living_. Other titles include _A German's Guide to Getting Rid of Austrian Freeloaders _and_ A German's Guide to dealing with Italian Brothers Who Hate You.)_

He should arrive on time and speak only if he had something worthwhile to say. He should not challenge Denmark to an arm-wrestling match. He should not promise free drinks for life to the first person to figure out who that dude with the polar bear was. He should not recognise Sealand as a nation. He should not bribe Korea to grope the other nations' breasts. He should not praise America on the historical accuracy of WW2 films in front of England.

(He had tried to start something with Russia as well, but a well-placed "kolkolkol" had scared him off. Prussia had been Public Enemy number 1 with Russia since that incident last Valentine's Day in which he had sent Belarus a set of skimpy lingerie, claiming they were a gift from her brother. They hadn't seen Russia for two months.)

His latest prank involved stealing Austria's cravat before he attempted to seize his vital regions. Again. Hungary was...displeased.

"Er, Hungary-san, could you get off Prussia-kun?" Japan's concern was slightly undermined by the fact that he had his camera out and was busy snapping pictures of the scene in front of him.

"In a minute, Japan, I'm not finished with him yet" Hungary replied. Although her voice was calm, she was surrounded by an aura so dark and malevolent that most nations with an ounce of sanity (plus Russia) felt the urge to _back the fuck away._ Except for America, who as usual was too busy eating through his absurd pile of hamburgers to notice a thing. And Prussia, who merely smirked at her from where he was lying prone on the floor.

"Hey, if you wanted me baby all you had to do was say so!"

Hungary gaped. "What."

"Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed of. This level of awesome is hard to resist. Say, why don't you ditch Specs over there and-"

"God no."

"Aww, don't be like that!" Prussia smiled wider and...good grief, he was going to sing. "IF you want my body, AND you think I'm sexy, COME on sugar let me know-OWW! HEY! Knock it off, I'm bleeding here!"

If possible, the others backed away further. Japan loaded a new roll of film into his camera. Germany wondered if it was too early to get drunk.

Prussia pressed an ice pack to his forehead and scowled. Man, that girl was psycho. Who the hell brought a frying pan into a meeting anyway? Totally unawesome. He'd liked her better back when she still thought she was a dude.

He brightened. Still, that was fun and man, he needed some fun. Being this awesome was hard work, y'know? Plus, it wasn't like he had anything better to do. Since the Wall came down West had taken over his job and sure having no responsibility was awesome and all, but there was only so much Dungeons and Dragons a guy could play, right?

He sighed. Man, he missed the days when all you had to do to get rid of boredom was declare war on your neighbours. These days it was all diplomacy and negotiations and didn't it all mean fuck-all in the end? Least when you were trying to kill a guy you were being honest with him.

OK, now he was being whiny and that was certainly not awesome. Time for some wurst. Maybe he could put some in Romano's pasta later. That'd be fun. On that note, Prussia set off, whistling a tune that sounded suspiciously like "Johnny B. Goode".


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: In which this story becomes a crossover and Prussia has an awesome idea.**

Wurst was truly the food of awesome people, Prussia decided. He'd gone to his favourite place, a small shop on the outskirts of the city, where the owners knew his name and were always happy when "Herr Beilschmidt" came to visit. Pity the shop was in such an out-of-the-way place, he mused, glaring at the deserted parking lot in front of him. He was about to set off for the bus stop when BANG!

Prussia didn't shriek like a girl. Definitely not. It was more like a manly exclamation of surprise. He hid-no, _camouflaged _himself behind the dumpster. It was the awesome, soldierly thing to do. Yeah. He wasn't afraid at all! He peered out from the dumpster and _Jesus H. Christ where'd that car come from?_

The car in question had literally appeared out of thin air, speeding down the length of the car park so quickly that it had left trails of fire in its wake before screeching to a halt. Prussia squinted at the car. Looked like some piece of junk from the Eighties...wait a sec, was that a DeLorean? Jeez, hadn't seen one of those in a while. The day they stopped being sold was a great day in Prussia's opinion. Finicky pieces of shit. He'd take a Volkswagen any day.

Prussia's poor opinion of the mechanics of DeLoreans was proved right by the fact that smoke was billowing out of the hood and...the boot? He frowned. He got why the hood was leaking smoke, however the car had gotten here had clearly fucked something up, but why was the boot full of smoke? There weren't any engine parts in the boot.

Just then the car doors popped up and two men leapt out coughing. The first man...well, if you got out the encyclopaedia and looked up "mad scientist", there'd be a picture of this guy. White lab coat, a shock of white hair that implied that the owner had spent far too much time playing with electricity, permanently bug-eyed expression, the works.

The other guy was just some teenage kid. Nothing particularly special about him, apart from the fact that he seemed to be stuck in some fashion timewarp from hell. Seriously, someone needed to tell the kid that those padded gilet things hadn't been cool since 1989.

The Mad Scientist rushed to and fro, smelling the air, touching the ground and being generally batshit, in Prussia's opinion. He took out some scientific instrument thingy that beeped as he held it up in the air. He looked at the results for a long moment. "Great Scott!" he breathed,

The kid stopped surveying the DeLorean worriedly and glanced over at Mad Scientist. "What is it, Doc? Where are we?"

"According to the Phlebotinator, we have arrived in Germany in the year 2010."

"We're in the future? _Again?_ Do I have to rescue one of my future kids again?"

"I don't think so, Marty. The Phlebotinator indicates that your children are at this moment in Hill Valley."

"Oh good- hey, are you _sure_ we're in the future? Coz this looks a little different from the last time we were there."

The Mad Scientist- Doc- frowned at the Phlebotinator thingy. "Yes, it does doesn't it? Well, we are five years earlier. Perhaps during the next five years there will be an explosion of scientific innovation that will fundamentally alter this world's technology until it matches the future that we visited. Or maybe the United States is more technologically advanced than the rest of the world in the future. Who knows?"

Marty peered at the Phlebotinator. "Hey Doc, I don't think this thing is working properly."

"Huh?"

"Well, it just says Germany. Does it mean East or West Germany? Coz I really hope we're not in the communist bit."

At that moment the DeLorean emitted an ominous-sounding bang. The two men (and Prussia) jumped. "Unfortunately, Marty, I think we have greater problems at the moment than being overrun by Bolsheviks."

A few minutes later Marty surfaced from under the hood, shaking his head. "Looks like the engine's blown, Doc." He heard a dripping noise and looked over to see a stream of fluid coming from under the car. "And we're leaking gas. Can you fix it?"

Doc shook his head. "I'm afraid that this level of technical malfunction is beyond my ability to repair."

"Y'know, the amount of times this thing has broke, we really should make some kind of repair kit."

Doc's head shot up so fast Prussia thought he would get whiplash. "Great Scott! I have a solution!"

"What?"

Doc was squinting at the Phlebotinator. "If I'm not mistaken, an acquaintance of mine with the necessary technological knowledge is supposedly in town for a conference at this point in time."

"Well, that's convenient. But seriously Doc, can't we just take it to a mechanic?"

"You can't possibly think, Marty, that taking a time machine to a mechanic is a good idea? If time travel is not yet feasible in this time period, exposing this kind of technology to a trained professional could have disastrous consequences on the timeline!"

"OK, got it" Marty sighed. "So, how do we find this guy?"

"The Phlebotinator has given me his current location, but I'm afraid we'll have to make our own way there. The DeLorean is far too damaged to drive us there."

"What'll we do with it?"

"It should be safe enough here; an empty car in a parking lot isn't particularly suspicious. We'll be back soon enough anyway."

After some more discussion, the two men walked out of the car park, glancing around them as they left. Unfortunately, they did not notice Prussia rising slowly (awesomely!) from behind the dumpster, wearing the kind of maniacal grin that would have instantly put Germany on edge, had he been there.

"Kesesesese!"

Notes:

-So, according to Wikipedia, at the beginning of the animated series of BTTF Doc built another DeLorean time machine to replace the one that was destroyed at the end of the third movie. For the purposes of the plot, it's just as finicky as the first one.  
-I'm not sure what year the cartoon's set in, so let's take it that the pair came from before the reunification of Germany, ok?  
-The Phlebotinator is...a gadget *coughcoughPlotDevicecough* that lets Doc know where he is, when he is and lets him find any of his aquaintances. It's a bit of a hand wave I know, I needed to get them away from the DeLorean...T_T

Let me know if you like it!:D


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Much as I'd love to, I don't own a DeLorean time machine. Nor do I own Hetalia.**  
**

**Chapter 3: In which Prussia prepares and Germany contemplates baking.**

Prussia believed that possession was 9/10ths of the law. This belief manifested itself in the way that things that were "Germany's" mysteriously became "Prussia's" as soon as they passed through the Great Border of the basement door. It also manifested itself in how he saw no problem with "borrowing" the beat-up DeLorean once its owners were out of the way.

For some reason, Prussia didn't doubt that it was a time machine. An extremely crappy-looking time machine, but a time machine nonetheless. And when life gives you an opportunity like that, are you just going to leave it parked where it is, emitting the kind of noxious fluids that would kill a cat? No, you bring it home, fix it up and use it to have an awesome adventure!

This was gonna be _great._

First of all, Prussia had to get this pile of junk home. A quick search through his pockets revealed he had...€1, an old movie ticket and three buttons- God only knows why- in his pockets. So, no tow truck for him then. He'd have to push it home himself. Or somehow find someone freakishly strong and yet gullible enough not to ask too many questions to move it for him…wait, there's an idea.

Prussia took out his cell phone and dialed a number. "Hey America, I heard you're a hero now. Care to prove it?"

* * *

"Yo, America. Thanks for coming."

"Hey, no problem. By the way, uh, how did you get my number?"

"Germany gave it to me." Which wasn't a lie. Germany had shoved a piece of paper with America's number on it at him one day and told him to phone America about a policy matter for him because he'd had "an extremely long day and I am not in the mood for that idiot's blathering, I got enough of that from Italy today..."

(Apart from America and Germany, Prussia didn't have any other nation's phone number. He used to, but after he made one too many prank calls he found himself blocked from nearly every phone in Europe. And a few others. Turns out at 4am no one cares if their refrigerator is running.)

"Oh, right. So, uh, what did you want?"

"Well, see, I bought this car recently and, uh, when the salesman said it was in great condition for its age, I think he may have been exaggerating a little..."

(Now that _was_ a lie. If there was one thing Prussia had learned over the years, it was to never get America too interested in something. It's hard to have an adventure when your way of having said adventure is being subjected to tests by an ambiguously racist alien and a self-proclaimed "hero".)

America glanced over the car, which was still occasionally belching plumes of smoke. "Yeah, no kidding."

"Sooo, I need a little favour from you..." Prussia batted his eyelashes in an attempt to look winsome. America merely looked disturbed.

"Dude, you got something in your eye?"

Prussia gave up. "Look, kid, I need you to help push this back to West's house. You in or not?"

America crossed his arms. "What's in it for me?"

"...My undying gratitude?"

"Hell no."

"OK, fine, I'll buy you all the hamburgers you want for the next week. Deal?"

America considered. "Deal."

As America prepared to lift the car, Prussia tried not to wince. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Man, those hamburgers were gonna be expensive...

* * *

A few weeks passed. A few weeks in which Prussia was conspicuous by his absence, locking himself either inside his basement or the brothers' shared garage (meaning Germany had had to park his favourite car outside)and only coming out to eat and watch _Glee_. A few weeks in which Germany could actually get work done. A few perfect, blessed weeks in which he didn't show up to disrupt World Meetings with his special brand of annoying until Germany was convinced World War Three was going to erupt around him and wasn't world peace and global harmony the whole point of these wastes of time they called meetings...

Germany didn't know what Prussia was doing in his lair and quite frankly didn't give a damn, as long as it continued. Maybe if his good fortune continued he could take a break from work for a day or two, focus on perfecting that new type of chocolate wurst* he'd been working on. He'd mixed Smarties** in with the chocolate mix last time, and after careful tasting he was reasonably confident that he was on to a winner. Herr Schtick had seemed very appreciative of his last batch, after all, and Germany had learned to rely on his friend's excellent taste in food...

Prussia burst into the office, jolting his brother out of his pleasant reverie. He looked exhilarated, his normally pale face flushed, a smear of what looked like oil across one cheek and a wild grin on his face. "I'm amazing. Seriously. West my man, you'll be lucky if you become even a fraction of how awesome I am. By the way, can I borrow your camera?"

Germany sighed. "Why?"

Prussia raised one eyebrow. "Gee, I don't know. What do people usually need a camera for?"

"...if I give it to you, will you leave me alone? _And_ bring it back in one piece?"

"Anyone would think you didn't trust me, West." Germany just looked at him. After a moment Prussia threw his hands up into the air. "Fine, whatever. Where is it?"

Germany gestured in the vague direction of the camera. As Prussia made his way out he took out a sheet of paper and started to calculate the number of Smarties he needed for his masterpiece. He sighed in happiness.

What Germany didn't know was that, while he was enjoying his newfound peace, Prussia was concocting a plan. A plan so clever and cunning that the world would tremble in its wake. Yea, verily, there would be much wailing and cries of "Prussia, I am going to freakin' _eviscerate_ you, you won't even be a sentence in the history books once I'm through with you" in the air once he revealed the fruits of his master plan.

No more would he be the world's butt monkey. No more would the other nations be able to voice their perfectly justified grievances against him without fear of retribution. With enough evidence of the most embarrassing moments of their past, he could get them to do anything he wanted. Once he had what he wanted, no one would be able to stand in his way!

Prussia felt perfecting justified in letting out a bit of an evil laugh at this point.

And so it came to pass that that night Prussia, armed with his trusty camera and a few other necessary items, parked the fixed DeLorean on the road outside his house. The narrator could tell you in excruciating detail how he prepared the time machine for the voyage, including how he had to rummage through rubbish bins to get fuel, but quite frankly that's neither interesting to read nor relevant to the plot. Thus, the narrator shall leave everything that happened between Prussia parking and the DeLorean shooting through the air in a burst of bright light to the imagination of the reader.

* * *

*It exists. It's basically a chocolate cake in wurst form.:)

** For my American readers, Smarties are chocolate sweets in a sugar shell...think M&Ms. They're mainly popular in the UK, Ireland, Germany, Canada and Greece. Here's the Wikipedia link: http : / en. wikipedia . org / wiki / Smarties

A/N: I LIIIVE! So, um...sorry for not updating for...what is it, a year now? *tries to think of excuses* Er, I moved country twice this year (long story) and RL has been generally hectic, so...yeah.

I don't think the ending of this chapter is great, so apologies. This chapter was a pain to write for some reason and I really wanted to get moving on the rest of the story, so I kind of rushed it. I think later I'll come back and edit it.

Last but certainly not least, thanks so so much to everyone who reviewed, favourited and/or Story Alerted this fic. You guys are awesome and are basically what stopped me from abandoning this fic when I was stuck.:D

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think.:D


End file.
